Friday, August 14, 2009

Having a Zucchini Baby...

... or, How to let people know you are truly crazy!
So you weren't going to do it this year, plant zucchini again. You said no more! But over the winter you forgot, the promise of zucchini bread, of sauteed veggies, of Italian dishes; And you said "just one hill".
Or perhaps you stayed true, you didn't plant any. But one morning you were out at the compost pile and saw a volunteer curcubit sprouting. "Oh! a melon..." and you moved it into the garden. Soon the second leaves were coming out, not round like a cucumber, nor the smooth melon, you hope "Pumpkin! surely it's a pumpkin." then one day you are out in the garden, you pull aside the canopy of spiky flora, and there it is. The dreaded green zucchini. Hidden in it's own vines.
The other morning my mom was out dutifully picking, getting the zucchini while they are small and tender. She pulls two off, and notices below them. The monster! This Zucchini Baby was delivered at 9:12 AM, 7lbs. 2oz.
Now begins to the fun. crochet a baby hat. find a baby sling. Make it a face (extra credit for googly eyes!). Take it out on the town!


Ride your bike, watch as people stare at your recklessness. If any one ask about the safety you can simply reply "It's OK, it's already a vegetable"
Take it to the store, wait until asked to reveal it. When someone inquires if it's a boy or a girl, say "I dunno, you tell me!" Note that women with human babies will not find this amusing. The rest of the populace seems to think it's great.
Be sure to coo at it and dangle toys in it's face for authenticity.

When you're done with it, make pickled zucchini (recipe to follow) Don't tell people you'll be doing this however, they might call social services...

5 comments:

Split Rock Ranch said...

Oh darn, and me with no zucchini! What a hoot...can't wait to hear if anybody else does this.

Pink said...

I was inspired by a friend who years ago left a zucchini in hat and swaddle on my doorstep...

hitesh rawat said...

hmm zucchini.......haven't heard of this veggie.........but i don't like green veggie's too........

woo hoo ....\,,,/

Lynne S of Oz said...

That is one of the funniest things I've ever read. You're mad! (And that's a compliment!)
Hope school goes well. Sounds hard!

Jack said...

I freaked the fuck out about you holding a swaddling something-or-other in your arms, woman. I had to actually read the word "zucchini" in order to believe that it wasn't your child. (no, even the green skin didn't keep me from thinking it was a real baby)